Handling Work Place Change Assertively

Today's workplace is characterized by change - people are losing their jobs and with the diminished workforce at many businesses, responsibilities are changing.

Normal reactions to change are shock, denial, resistance, grief and acceptance.

Early in my career I worked at a state mental hospital. I had been hired to train the staff. I love teaching, so I was very happy with my job. I could teach whatever I liked so I offered workshops on stress management, new games, and team building.

One day I received a notice that the teaching unit was closing and that I was now assigned to be a staff psychologist on the unit at the hospital where the long-term mental patients were housed. (SHOCK)

I was hired to teach. I didn't want my new assignment. So I simply didn't go. (DENIAL)

I staged my own version of a sit-in strike, stayed in my old office and continued teaching. Two weeks passed (RESISTANCE).

One day the psychiatrist from the chronic care unit knocked on my office door, took me by the hand and led me to my new office on the chronic care unit.

I left my lovely office with windows looking out onto a beautiful field and moved to my new "office." It had been a linen closet in its previous life - narrow, no windows, dark paneled walls. I took one look and burst into tears. (GRIEF)

Once I made friends with the other staff members and we started planning for treatment of these patients, my attitude began to change. I bought sky blue paint and painted the closet walls to look like the sky. I found posters of windows looking out on lovely gardens and hung them up on my sky blue walls. I was moving into ACCEPTANCE.

The pattern I experienced, moving from shock to denial to resistance to grief to acceptance is the normal course of a reaction to change.

The assertive approach to the challenge of change is defined by claiming the change in a way that works for you. Approach the change positively and gain as much as you can from the process.

Here are the steps to developing a positive approach.

1. Use reframing

Powerlessness is a consequence of workplace change. The decisions often come from corporate headquarters and you cannot do anything to make the results any different.

The unassertive person grumbles and complains in response to the lack of control when the change is announced.

The assertive approach is to "reframe" the way in which you view the change. A photo framed in a solid black frame will look much different than a photo in a cheerful red frame.

If your job responsibilities have shifted, a positive reframe is: "Now I have the opportunity to learn a new skill."

Or if you suddenly have twice as much work as you did before, you could reframe by saying, "Now I'll challenge myself to refine my time management skills."

2. Make a plan for the future.

Examine your goals. Where would you like to be in five years? What are the steps you can take now to aim toward that future life? Write a commitment plan and stick to it. Examine the new form of your current job and determine if it now fits the goals toward which you aim.

If moving to a different job or place of employment is part of your plan, begin now to examine what you need to do and start to take the steps necessary to control your own career.

For example, when my job at the hospital changed from training to chronic care, I began taking steps to leave the job and find a new one.

Starting the process of identifying your values and goals affirms your self-esteem in the middle of change.

3. Take care of yourself.

Handle your stress about the change assertively before it overwhelms you.

• Use deep breathing and muscle relaxation to relieve physical stress.
• Take baths at the end of your stressful workday, get massages, or take a yoga class
• Take breaks during the day to walk around, to take deep breaths, or to gaze out of the window.

Use exercise to help you adapt to change and to keep your anger in check.

Once when I was undergoing a stressful relationship change, I swam laps every morning. With each stroke I said to myself, "I'm angry about !@#$!@," and at the end of the swim, I felt refreshed and relaxed for the rest of the day.

4. Get support for yourself.

Respect is the foundation of asserting yourself. Having respect for yourself includes noticing that you need some support in this time of change. This can take several forms. Go into therapy to sort things out; lean on your friends; talk to others at work about the effects of the changes on your lives.

Change takes time. The secret to adapting to workplace change is to remind yourself that change takes time. Allow yourself time for the process of reacting to the change through the stages of shock, denial, resistance, grief, and acceptance.

Then take steps to move through the change:

• Reframe,
  
• Make a plan,
  
• Take good care of yourself and
  
• Get support.

Handling the change with a positive approach will turn workplace change into an opportunity for your own growth and development.

Secrets to Resolving your Complaints with Customer Service: First Time, Every Time

Would you like to return the dress that is the wrong color or to complain about a mistake on your telephone bill?

Trying to resolve a consumer problem can seem overwhelming. In fact, addressing a complaint as a consumer is a matter of learning the formula for success and applying it often. Approaching the task in an assertive manner provides the foundation for a good outcome.

Seven secrets to successful complaint resolution:

1. Be prepared.



Think of what the store clerk will need and take it with you. For example:

• Do you have a receipt for the purchase?
• Do you have a copy of your check or your credit card receipt

Paying for purchases with a credit or debit card provides you with indisputable proof of purchase as well as provides a vehicle for easy return of your money.

2. Begin your conversation pleasantly

Remember that the foundation of assertiveness is an attitude of respect. Approach the clerk with a pleasant look on your face.

Say, "Hello, how are you?" and extend your hand in friendship.

Do not start with "Excuse me," or "I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you."

Making an apology to get attention simply takes away from your power and claims a one-down position. If you want the clerk's attention, use his/her name (you can read it on his/her name tag) or say "Sir..." or "Ma'am, I need to talk to you about this item.

3. Stand or sit at an angle

Confrontation, according to the dictionary, means a face-to-face meeting.

If you stand directly in front of the person to whom you wish to speak, he/she will experience your behavior as angry and confrontive. However, if you wish to convey respect in your assertion, then stand at an angle to the other person.

The angle conveys, "I am free to walk away from this interaction, as are you." Respect for the other person includes our recognition of his/her choice to talk with us and his/her freedom not to talk with us.

4. Use empathic statements

Connection works more effectively than confrontation. We achieve a connection with the other person by letting them know how we imagine it might be to bein their shoes.

An empathic statement to the sales clerk might sound like this, "You seem really busy today, Mrs. Smith, and I imagine that it isn't pleasant to deal with the return of items, but I need to return this dress because it is the wrong color.

Since you made an effort to understand how Mrs. Smith must feel today, she will be more likely to help you.

5. Speak in a well-modulated tone of voice

Keep your voice moderate in tone and volume. Speak so that your words go down at the end of the sentence.

If you allow the pitch of your voice to go up at the end of the sentence, you will sound unsure of yourself and your response will sound more like a question than a statement.

To the waiter: "This is not the salad I ordered," with "ordered" going to the lowest tone in the sentence.

6. Make statements. Don't ask questions.

• A statement sounds positive and powerful.
• A question interjects doubt.

"I want to return this waffle baker" is more powerful than "Is it OK for me to return this waffle baker?"

Avoid qualifiers such as "I hope this isn't too much trouble, but I want to return this waffle baker."

An implied question takes away power as well, "I want to return this waffle baker, OK?"

7. Follow-up

If you get good cooperation from an employee or a company, follow up with a thank-you letter or a note of commendation.

you had a difficult time of it, also follow-up with a letter, detailing the reasons for your dissatisfaction. These letters will help you practice assertiveness and often bring results from the company.

Practice these steps every time an opportunity comes your way. Taking the right steps makes complaining a breeze and positive results more likely.

Speaking Up When a Response is not Required

Much of the time when we speak up for ourselves, the goal is to get something to happen that we want to happen. Sometimes, however, a soft assertion is a valuable way to speak up for yourself.

A soft assertion by definition is taking a stand when you do not require a response. This can be as simple as wearing a t-shirt with a slogan on it such as "Atlanta Braves." The shirt tells the world that you support the Atlanta baseball team. You don't expect people to respond to the shirt, but you are sending a message, all the same.

A soft assertion can be a compliment. When I give a compliment, I am taking a risk. The recipient of the compliment can accept my gift (the compliment) and simply say thank you. Occasionally someone will reject your compliment: "Oh, this old thing? I've had it for years."

Today I was driving home from the N. Georgia mountains with a quarter of a tank of gas. I knew I should fill up my car. There's a gas station between Clarkesville, GA and Cleveland, GA that always has comparatively low gas prices. I haven't stopped there before but decided that I had enough gas to get there before filling up today.

It's Labor Day so there are lots of people on the road. I like to take what I call the "pretty way" home which involves only about 1/3 of the trip on Interstate roads. The rest of the trip is on pretty country roads. I took that today and easily got to the gas station between Clarkesville and Cleveland.

As I pulled into the station , the prices were predictably low for the area ($2.38/gal compared to the usual $2.48 everywhere else). I drove up to the pump to find a white hand-written sign the size of a piece of typing paper taped to the front of the pump. I couldn't read the ball-point pen writing and decided that pump was probably out of gas at those low prices.

I pulled to the second pump which had the same sign taped to it. I stopped, opened my gas tank, and got out of the car. The sign in small handwriting in ball point pen actually said, "Fishing supplies inside."

When I went in to the gas station store to get my receipt, I used a soft assertion with the station manager. "Sir, those signs taped to the pumps are very hard to read. I thought they meant that the pumps were out of gas and almost didn't stop. I couldn't read that they said "Fishing supplies inside" until I got out of the car."

He actually replied, "Well, I don't have any more signs." (not sure what he meant - that he couldn't re-do them or that he didn't have another way to advertise his fishing supplies???)

I said, "Well, since I almost didn't stop and probably I won't be the only confused person today, I thought you'd want to know."

Since a response is not required to a soft assertion - it doesn't make any difference to me whether he changes the signs or not - I smiled, thanked him for the receipt, and went out the door.

Pay Off for Assertiveness at COSTCO

I am a Costco member and one advantage of that membership is to be able to buy gas at lower prices. I was out of town in Maryland this weekend and had a rental car to drive from the Pittsburgh airport where I flew in to my daughter's home in western Maryland.

Driving back to Pittsburgh and getting gas in the rental car before you get to the airport is a challenge. The last 6 miles of the drive go through non-commercial territory with absolutely no obvious gas stations. I pulled off the highway about 8 miles from the airport at a shopping area and looked for a gas station.

The Mall at Robinson is where I exited. There are beautiful shops, eating facilities, and other mall specialties but no gas station. Then I noticed the Costco store. Like our Costco in Atlanta, it sells gas, so I drove down to the gas station area.

I paused just a few yards from the pump and pulled out my wallet. Oh, dear, I had left my Costco card at home in an effort to travel light. I saw a man who obviously worked maintaining the pumps. I drove up and rolled down the window of the rental car.

• "I am a Costco member," I said, "but I'm traveling and I left my Costco card at home in Atlanta."
  
• "No problem," he said, "Drive on up and we'll take care of you."
• "Can you look me up on the system?" I asked.
• "I believe you," he said.
  
• "How are you going to pay for this?" he said as he flashed an all-purpose Costco card under the identifying card reader.
• "Credit card," I said.
• "We only take..."
• "American Express, I know because I am a member and use my Amex card in Costco all the time."
• "Of course," he said, smiled, and helped me finish getting gas for my car.

If I had not been assertive and spoken to him, I would not have gotten to buy gas there and might still be wandering around the Pittsburgh area looking for a gas station!

MARTA Bus in the Way

Today I was on Lenox Road in Atlanta, heading toward Piedmont. I got in the turn lane to turn onto Lindbergh to head for Emory. I teach every summer in the med school where the doctoral students in physical therapy learn interpersonal communications from me. I was in the turn lane with another car and a MARTA bus in front of me. Anyone who lives in Atlanta knows that this is a busy intersection.

The arrow came for turning and the MARTA bus turned left. Usually five or six cars turn left there before the arrow is gone. The car right behind the bus turned as did I. The MARTA bus stopped dead in front of the Chevron station on the corner, leaving me and the car in front of me stuck in the middle of the street, blocking traffic. I guess the bus let someone out, but it seemed to take forever, and then started moving just as the turning arrow turned yellow. I just barely made it through the light.

As I drove behind the car and the bus on Lindbergh, I saw the MARTA bus stop (the real one). It's about a city's block length from the intersection, which would be a safe place for the MARTA bus to stop. If the MARTA bus had stopped at the designated place, all five or six cars could have safely made the turn before waiting behind the stopped bus.

I was so irritated by being stuck in the intersection, in danger of being hit by an oncoming car as well as in danger from potential Atlanta road rage from other drivers because I was blocking the intersection.

I picked up my cell and used Google411 to call MARTA's customer service.

I explained to the customer service agent that the MARTA bus had stopped at a non-bus stop, blocking traffic in the intersection. She asked the route number. I didn't have that because I was behind the bus, but I did have the number on the back of the bus (2964). And I could describe the exact direction the bus was going.

I told her that the incident made me feel very unsafe and that I didn't think it was OK for the bus to stop where there wasn't an official MARTA stop. The bus is so big that to stop immediately upon making the left turn is a guarantee to strand the cars behind it.

I also told her that I am a MARTA fan, take it to the airport every time I fly, and take my grandson on the buses and the trains for fun Friday mornings. I wanted her to know that generally I support MARTA.

I don't know if my being assertive in this instance was of any help. My hope would be that the MARTA driver would be called to task for making an unofficial stop and causing traffic problems. I don't want anyone else to find themselves in my situation this morning.

I also have to report that the MARTA customer service rep called me back about 20 minutes later to make sure she had all of the details right.

That impressed me.

Michelle and Merced: An Assertiveness Triumph

The students of the University of California at Merced wanted to invite Michelle Obama to speak at their graduation. It seemed difficult - this was their first graduation and there were only 500 graduates at this start-up university. They were undaunted and decided to speak up for themselves to reach their goal.

One of their most effective ways to speak up was to create a You-Tube video:



They set up a Facebook page for their "Dear Michelle" campaign and created a template for the letter they hoped the students would write to request that our First Lady speak to their graduation. Here's an example of one of the letters.

The key throughout the effort to speak up and ask Michelle Obama to be the commencement speaker was the use of RESPECT. You'll notice in the sample letter linked in the previous paragraph, that respect for her time and schedule is noted as the request is made.

Respect is the key to effective assertiveness. In this effort, however, respect was only one component. The students persevered with letter writing, Valentines, and video media to emphasize both their request and the importance of getting their wish granted.

They succeeded in their great effort to speak up for themselves and on May 16, Michelle Obama spoke at their graduation!

When Speaking up for Yourself is Not Worth It

Monday I was sitting in the dentist's chair to have a crown done on one of my very back teeth. This is not my idea of a favorite way to spend a morning, but nevertheless, here I am.

The dentist has a new assistant. She introduces herself to me and then proceeds to help the dentist work on my tooth. In the process she has to move behind the dental chair in which I sit over and over. Every time she moves behind me, she brushes into my head and I can feel my hair being pushed into a new and unkempt position.

She never says anything....no "I'm so sorry," no "Oh, did I bump into you. Sorry," no "I'm sure it doesn't feel good for me to keep bumping you. The space is narrow, but I'll try not to hit you the next time I go between the chair and the XXX."

Part of the process even included making a mold of my back tooth using bright blue molding material. After long amounts of numbing, drilling and making a mold of my tooth, the passing back and forth behind my chair was done, but the assistant and I were not finished.

Her next job was to put the temporary crown in place. To do this she used a long instrument to poke around on the tooth. The instrument had a poking part on either end so as she was poking into my back tooth, the other end was jabbing my nostril. I couldn't say anything (cotton all packed in my mouth, numb tongue) so I wiggled around and got my own nose out of the way. She said not a word.

You may be thinking, surely this is the end of the story, but, no. As she is finishing up, she suddenly notices my lip and says as she rubs vigorously on it with a Kleenex, "Oh, there's some molding material on your lip." The molding material was very blue and had been sitting brightly on my lip at least 30 minutes before it caught her eye.

One of my jobs is to teach in the Department of Rehabilitative Medicine at Emory University. I teach the doctoral students in physical therapy how to develop a caring relationship with the patient. I teach them to approach the patient as a person, not the Knee in Room 203.

I don't think this assistant had a course like mine in her training.

I may have to work with her again in three weeks and don't want even worse treatment from her! I'm sure I'll feel like the Crown in Room 2, working with her, whether I speak to the dentist or not. I decided it wasn't worth it on Monday because most of the time my mouth was not functional for speaking, but if she is the assistant when I go back in three weeks, I plan to say something.